Gratitude => Happiness = Happy Thanksgiving

Expressing gratitude makes me feel good.  I feel happier when I'm focused on all the gifts in my life. I've discovered that the more I look for things in my life for which I'm thankful, the more things I find!  The more I give thanks, the happier I am.

Do you think that taking time on a regular basis to express gratitude for your own blessings is something that would help you be happier?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Use this opportunity of the whole country being focused on giving thanks to set an intention to express your gratitude daily for the next year.  Then see how you feel come next Thanksgiving Day. I have no doubt you will be happier, even if you're already happy.

So, start a gratitude journal where you record 5 things every day for which you are grateful. Or start a ritual of giving thanks before each meal.  Use your daily walk, run or elliptical time to list everything you're grateful for in your mind.  However you choose to implement it, do give thanks daily and notice the difference it makes in your life.

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Laura Allan, MA, LMHC, CPC LinkedIn
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Laura@LauraAllanCounseling.com

Are Your Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back?

Our beliefs have a profound impact on our behavior. The behaviors that we display over an extended period determine the quality of our lives.

For example, if you believe that you can only hold a manual-labor job, you would never attempt anything else. So truly changing your life is dependent on changing your beliefs.

What is a limiting belief? It is any belief that the causes us to filter out options prematurely. It is a belief that is based on fear (what I can't do or be) rather than possibility.

If you have limiting beliefs, this process can help you change them to beliefs that better serve you.

Write down your answers to these questions:

1.      Which belief do you want to change? You need to be able to see it to work with it effectively. So write it down. For example, one limiting belief you might have is: "I will never have a lot of money."

2.      What has the belief cost you? Make a list of all the ways this belief has negatively impacted your life. Really think about it, because it helps to have as much negative ammunition to get rid of that old belief as you can get. Spend some time; it might even take a couple of days to get a complete list.

3.      What advantages has the belief provided you? Maybe believing that you could never be wealthy has allowed you to avoid taking risks. Or perhaps it has allowed you to work at a profession that's easy for you. It might be hard to figure out what the advantages are, but they are there.

4.      What new belief would you like to have as a replacement? For example, for the belief listed above, a new replacement might be: "I can make any amount of money I set my mind to." Be thoughtful and develop a new belief that will serve you well in the future.

5.      How is the new belief better than the old belief? Come up with an emotionally charged list of ways in which the new belief will impact your life for the better. Consider how you would feel. What could you become? How would your lifestyle change? Would it help other people around you?

6.      How can you start demonstrating the new belief today? Following our wealth-theme, it might not be the right time to plan the interior of your private jet just yet. What could you do right now? Make a plan to make more money? Start looking for a better paying job? Look for ways to invest the money you already have? Even a small change can help the process.

Start Living Your New Belief

It might not be easy at first, but taking the time to complete the steps above will make it easier. Each day try to behave as if you hold the new belief. What would you wear? How would you speak? How would you view the world? How would you make decisions? How would you react to good news? Bad news?

While our behaviors determine the quality of our lives, our beliefs largely determine our behaviors. Beliefs are really the core to everything you do and become.

Beliefs can be challenging to change, as they're frequently developed at a young age, so you might have lived in accordance with your limiting beliefs for a long time. However, with diligence and attention, they can be altered. Changing your beliefs will change your life.

How to Have a Good Breakup

Last week I talked about the value of counseling for a couple prior to marriage or moving in together.  On the flip side of the that is the value of counseling for a couple who is separating, and possibly divorcing.

Most couples seek counseling because their relationship is in trouble and they want to save it.  It's a somewhat different mindset to decide to seek counseling after you have already decided to end the relationship.  In the first case the goal is to improve the relationship to the point that you both want to continue.  In the second case the goal is to untangle from the relationship in a way that is the least painful not only for you and your partner, but for your children, if there are any.

Breakup counseling also helps couples work through difficult issues related to separating their lives such as finances, living arrangements and issues related to their children.  By doing this with integrity and separating the grievances about the relationship from the process of dissolving the relationship, everyone involved comes out the other side in a better place emotionally.

Even when both parties agree that breaking up is the best thing to do, it is still a painful and difficult time.  By working with an objective third party, you can make the process smoother and less painful and increase the liklihood of remaining on good terms with this person who once meant the world to you.

The Power of Our Thoughts

"If we have a positive mental attitude, then even when surrounded by hostility, we shall not lack inner peace. On the other hand, if our mental attitude is more negative, influenced by fear, suspicion, helplessness, or self-loathing, then even when surrounded by our best friends, in a nice atmosphere and comfortable surroundings, we shall not be happy." - The Dalai Lama

Over the past several months many books and other resources have come to me that continue to reinforce my belief in the power of positive thinking.  I was first exposed to cognitive therapy about 22 years ago.  I was experiencing a mild depression that had been going on for about a year.  My therapist recommended using David Burns' book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," and I found it extremely useful.

Since then I have been reminded of how our thoughts create our experience in many different ways.  This, of course, is the basis for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which has proven to be effective for the treatment of depression and anxiety. 

The important thing to understand is that any given event is neutral, it is the meaning that we make of the event - what we think about the event - that creates the emotions we feel.  By changing our thoughts, we can change how we feel. 

Taking this a step further, the Law of Attraction says that what we think also creates what manifests in our lives in the future.  For some of you this may feel a little "out there," so another way to look at it is that we draw to us what we focus on.  It is human nature to see the things that support our beliefs, and to be blind to things that do not.  When we change our focus, we change what we see, or notice.

There are several books and resources that have recently found their way to me (as well as some old favorites) and continue to reinforce the power of our thoughts from both a therapy or mental health perspective, as well as a personal an spiritual growth perspective:

Inspiration

In preparing for my career enhancement class I've been taking a look back at a similar class I took almost 4 years ago that ultimately led to my choice of a new career. It's the first time I've looked back at these exercises in at least 3 years, and it is heartening to see that the insights I had at the time, and the conclusions they led me to still hold true for me.

I've frequently thought about the impact taking this class had on my life by giving me the opportunity to see that my life could be everything I wanted it to be. I'm so looking forward to sharing this gift with others!