A Relationship “The Way It Was”
The financial difficulties of the past 18 months hit Beth and Rick hard. The crisis they find themselves in as a result of Rick’s job loss and the ensuing financial conflicts suddenly present a very real threat to their marriage.
Beth and Rick are experiencing what thousands of couples go through every day. And when pushed, both Beth and Rick blurt out the crux of their issue: Things have changed and they want their relationship “the way it was”.
During their therapy, they’ll begin to recognize that it’s not the issue that’s the issue but their response to it that determines the outcome.
In the hands of a competent, compassionate therapist, there’s great hope for not only resolving these issues, but also for returning to the close, intimate relationship they once shared.
Therapy:
No Issue Too Large or Small!
A crisis is not the only reason couples seek counseling, of course. Struggles such as parenting, in-law problems and health issues just to name a few, can severely test a relationship.
The goal of therapy, whether long-term or brief and solutions-oriented, is lasting change for the couple and family as a whole. The trick, if you will, is seeking help before the situation becomes overwhelming.
Most couples seek counseling when the relationship is in serious trouble; however, you needn’t wait, because like a crisis or the serious issues mentioned above, even feelings of general dissatisfaction with a relationship can benefit greatly from therapy.
Experiencing Lasting
Change in Your Relationship
An essential part of therapy is the use of homework. Why homework? And how can it help in therapy? Well, much of the change you’ll experience when in therapy occurs outside your therapy session.
As mentioned above, most couples seek counseling when the relationship is in serious trouble. Change needs to occur quickly and homework is a perfect way to achieve that while taking an active role in your therapy.
Beth and Rick:
Developing Strategies
As a couple, their issues seem insurmountable to them, but actually, they’re really quite common.
During therapy, Beth and Rick first tackle the most pressing issue: Rick’s job loss and the resulting financial conflicts. They’re encouraged by their therapist to determine how their money is currently being used and develop conscious decision making regarding their spending.
These are strategies and skills that ultimately take them far beyond their present difficulties and pay off handsomely for their marriage in the long run.
Next, as a couple they learn during therapy that one of the most devastating results of Rick’s job loss is the effect on his self confidence, so strategies are developed:
First, Beth learns how to listen compassionately. Listening is absolutely an art and Beth must learn the skills necessary to truly hear Rick without the intent of adding information or talking over him with suggestions.
They’re both surprised to realize that their most heated arguments occur as a result of Beth’s almost righteous attitude towards Rick’s job loss. The dynamics of the relationship has changed, further lessening Rick’s confidence. Beth felt she was being helpful while Rick was hearing that he couldn’t even look for a job right!
This awareness and the ensuing communication changes they make, pave the way for greater intimacy at a time when they need it most.
Relationship
Strategies for Success
Numerous strategies exist to guide you compassionately, and in a focused way, through your relationship issues.
With therapy, you’ll have the strategies necessary to grow together and develop a stronger, more intimate partnership that can survive, and thrive, whatever comes!
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Laura Allan is a Registered Counselor and Certified Professional Coach. She has an M.A. degree in Applied Behavioral Science with concentration in Systems Counseling from Bastyr University. She also has a B.S. degree from Washington State University and an M.S. from Seattle University. She has additional specialized training in working with couples and eating disorders. You may visit her website at http://www.lauraallancounseling.com/.
