Someone recently asked me what my secret to success is, and I had to stop and really think about the answer. For me, there is a process that can be applied to anything I want to create in my life - large or small. When I commit to this process, the chances of success are greatly increased.
1. Be clear about what you want, about your destination.
It's hard to get someplace if you don't know what that place is. Do I want to go to Venice, Italy or Venice, California? Do I want to go there by myself or with others? Am I going to travel by car, train, plane or on foot?
Some of us have difficulty even defining broadly what we want in our lives; we don't know we want to go to Venice at all, whether it be in California or Italy, we just know we want to get out of here - wherever here may be. Frequently this is because we get so caught up in trying to avoid what we don't want, that anything else looks good to us.
Additionally, many of us are uncomfortable getting specific about our goals because of a fear of failure. If I'm really clear and committed to my destination, what if I don't get there? What does that mean about me? What will others think about me? So we hide our dreams and goals, even from ourselves. Unfortunately, we cannot manifest what we want in our lives, if we aren't clear on what that is.
Brainstorming with others is a good way to break the log jam if you are stuck figuring out where you want to go in life. Journaling is another good tool. By recording a stream of consciousness about your dreams and desires for your life, a destination may begin to take shape.
2. Do the things that support achieving your goal, start on the road to your destination.
It's not enough to be clear about what we want, we also need to take steps that lead in the direction of our goal. I can't get to Venice (either California or Italy) from Seattle if I don't get in the car, get on a plane or start walking! Venice is not going to materialize in Seattle. I have to take some action.
The difficulty that we can run into in the action phase, is sometimes just knowing where to start. Sometimes the destination seems so far away (unattainable) that we are overwhelmed. Or maybe those doubts and self-limiting beliefs kick in and we're back to that fear of failure.
A good antidote to feeling stuck is to just start moving. As the Nike commercial says, "Just do it." Figure out a small, teeny, tiny step that you can take, then take it. You may be surprised how even a small success can fuel the fire, and start some momentum.
3. Be flexible; detours happen
Last, but not least, be flexible. Things happen that we don't expect and we don't want to let that throw us completely off course. If a roadblock appears, evaluate whether a detour is in order to continue towards your original destination, or whether it's possible that this particular roadblock is a signal that you may want to change your destination.
Commitment to your goals is important in this "success process" - and giving yourself permission to change your mind about what you want in your life is equally valuable. As we move closer to our destination and have more information, it may be perfectly reasonable to modify that destination.
I have found in my own life that applying the principles in this process have helped me move towards a more intentional and fulfilling life. I hope these ideas are useful for you, too.
Topics related to counseling, life coaching and psychotherapy. Find happiness, joy and fulfillment right now! Live. Learn. Grow.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Career Exploration: Finding Your Passion
Leaving the Familiar,
Embracing the Unknown
Martha sits at her desk, dreading yet another day of angry customers, a boss who’s impossible to please, and knows that by the end of the day, she’ll have eaten too many snacks to fill the empty hole within her. “Surely, there must be more to life than this – where’s that feeling of pleasure I used to feel in just doing the best job I could do?” she catches herself asking.
Dr. Lewis twirls around in his chair to view the x-rays while his assistant sets up for a procedure. “I wonder how many fillings I’ve done in my career,” he asks himself. “ … and how many more I’m going to do before I retire.” He’s surprised at the melancholy that washes over him, but really, these feelings have become more and more frequent. “I worked so hard and was so proud to become a dentist. This used to be enough – what’s happened? What’s changed?”
Martha and Dr. Lewis both are experiencing the first seeds of awareness that something needs to change in their careers. They’re both experiencing the first hint that things are not as they should be.
A famous line from a Robert Frost poem reads: “And if you’re lost enough to find yourself …”
One could certainly imagine this applying to the life transition that is career exploration! For it’s this feeling of being lost that often precludes a period of learning and growth, exciting new directions in our career, and the most wonderful discoveries within ourselves.
It’s both exhilarating and scary to begin this search for passion and meaning in our work lives – and one well worth exploring.
Career Exploration
As a Life Transition
There’s no doubt that career exploration is a transitional period in your life, and whether planned or unplanned, it carries with it conflicting emotions.
If it is a planned process such as graduation from college or the desire for a new career (no matter the precipitating reasons!), there is an undercurrent of excitement to be sure. This doesn’t mean that doubt won’t crowd your mind from time to time however.
If your career exploration was unplanned by something such as job loss or the death of a spouse, the challenges are all the more difficult. If this is the case for you, you may find the structure and support of a counselor or therapist to be an excellent alternative to going it alone. I’ll explain more about how a professional can help you in just a moment.
Seeking a New Direction
Gordon Moore, Founder and Chairman of Intel said, “It is extremely unlikely that anyone coming out of school with a technical degree will go into one area and stay there. Today’s students have to look forward to the excitement of probably having three or four careers.”
The reality today is that each of us will experience a period of career exploration, no matter the field. But the other reality is that preceding this period, feelings of emptiness and lack of motivation often are experienced.
Still, as Mr. Moore so aptly points out, this transition carries an element of excitement if we allow ourselves to relax and remain open to the immense possibilities before us.
What makes us eager to seek new direction? We generally move through two major phases in our career life, no matter how many individual jobs we may have.
Initially we’re motivated by proving our competence in a particular area. Indeed, our monetary and promotional rewards are based on a competency model.
Later in our career, anywhere from about 35 to 55, we begin to feel a stirring that perhaps competence in a certain area isn’t enough: we want to be motivated by meaningfulness in our career. And so we begin to search in new directions.
Consider Dr. Lewis whom we met earlier. After 15 to 20 years of doing an identical procedure such as a filling, he’s no longer motivated by simply doing a flawless job, so he begins to search for ways in which he can stretch and grow. In addition to an entirely new career, options for him might include mastering advanced cosmetic procedures or expanding into oral surgery – something to awaken the passion once more.
The point is, at a certain stage in our careers, after we’ve mastered the task at hand, we begin to search for more. This transitional time is discomforting to be sure, but necessary for our growth.
Maximize Your Chance for Success
Focus and direction are two major factors in your career exploration and this is often best gained by counseling with a trained coach or therapist who can help move you consistently forward.
Your path to your new career is unique and a trained professional can help you with accountability. Your therapist can provide assessment tools and strategies to help you uncover your strengths, interests, and training requirements for the new career you’re considering.
Obstacles are defined and strategies developed to help you move toward your goal – and your new career – with determination!
Self Care Strategies
Make use of self-care strategies, particularly during this time. Your transition into a new career will take time and effort and while you’ll likely strive to fill the gaps of time that result from one transition to another, try to avoid doing so. This is a time of learning and growth, of further defining who you are and your personal uniqueness.
Laura Allan is a Registered Counselor and Certified Professional Coach practicing in Seattle, Washington. She has an M.A. degree in Applied Behavioral Science with concentration in Systems Counseling from Bastyr University. She also has a B.S. degree from Washington State University and an M.S. from Seattle University. She has additional specialized training in working with couples and eating disorders. You may visit her website at http://www.lauraallancounseling.com/.
Embracing the Unknown
Martha sits at her desk, dreading yet another day of angry customers, a boss who’s impossible to please, and knows that by the end of the day, she’ll have eaten too many snacks to fill the empty hole within her. “Surely, there must be more to life than this – where’s that feeling of pleasure I used to feel in just doing the best job I could do?” she catches herself asking.
Dr. Lewis twirls around in his chair to view the x-rays while his assistant sets up for a procedure. “I wonder how many fillings I’ve done in my career,” he asks himself. “ … and how many more I’m going to do before I retire.” He’s surprised at the melancholy that washes over him, but really, these feelings have become more and more frequent. “I worked so hard and was so proud to become a dentist. This used to be enough – what’s happened? What’s changed?”
Martha and Dr. Lewis both are experiencing the first seeds of awareness that something needs to change in their careers. They’re both experiencing the first hint that things are not as they should be.
A famous line from a Robert Frost poem reads: “And if you’re lost enough to find yourself …”
One could certainly imagine this applying to the life transition that is career exploration! For it’s this feeling of being lost that often precludes a period of learning and growth, exciting new directions in our career, and the most wonderful discoveries within ourselves.
It’s both exhilarating and scary to begin this search for passion and meaning in our work lives – and one well worth exploring.
Career Exploration
As a Life Transition
There’s no doubt that career exploration is a transitional period in your life, and whether planned or unplanned, it carries with it conflicting emotions.
If it is a planned process such as graduation from college or the desire for a new career (no matter the precipitating reasons!), there is an undercurrent of excitement to be sure. This doesn’t mean that doubt won’t crowd your mind from time to time however.
If your career exploration was unplanned by something such as job loss or the death of a spouse, the challenges are all the more difficult. If this is the case for you, you may find the structure and support of a counselor or therapist to be an excellent alternative to going it alone. I’ll explain more about how a professional can help you in just a moment.
Seeking a New Direction
Gordon Moore, Founder and Chairman of Intel said, “It is extremely unlikely that anyone coming out of school with a technical degree will go into one area and stay there. Today’s students have to look forward to the excitement of probably having three or four careers.”
The reality today is that each of us will experience a period of career exploration, no matter the field. But the other reality is that preceding this period, feelings of emptiness and lack of motivation often are experienced.
Still, as Mr. Moore so aptly points out, this transition carries an element of excitement if we allow ourselves to relax and remain open to the immense possibilities before us.
What makes us eager to seek new direction? We generally move through two major phases in our career life, no matter how many individual jobs we may have.
Initially we’re motivated by proving our competence in a particular area. Indeed, our monetary and promotional rewards are based on a competency model.
Later in our career, anywhere from about 35 to 55, we begin to feel a stirring that perhaps competence in a certain area isn’t enough: we want to be motivated by meaningfulness in our career. And so we begin to search in new directions.
Consider Dr. Lewis whom we met earlier. After 15 to 20 years of doing an identical procedure such as a filling, he’s no longer motivated by simply doing a flawless job, so he begins to search for ways in which he can stretch and grow. In addition to an entirely new career, options for him might include mastering advanced cosmetic procedures or expanding into oral surgery – something to awaken the passion once more.
The point is, at a certain stage in our careers, after we’ve mastered the task at hand, we begin to search for more. This transitional time is discomforting to be sure, but necessary for our growth.
Maximize Your Chance for Success
Focus and direction are two major factors in your career exploration and this is often best gained by counseling with a trained coach or therapist who can help move you consistently forward.
Your path to your new career is unique and a trained professional can help you with accountability. Your therapist can provide assessment tools and strategies to help you uncover your strengths, interests, and training requirements for the new career you’re considering.
Obstacles are defined and strategies developed to help you move toward your goal – and your new career – with determination!
Self Care Strategies
Make use of self-care strategies, particularly during this time. Your transition into a new career will take time and effort and while you’ll likely strive to fill the gaps of time that result from one transition to another, try to avoid doing so. This is a time of learning and growth, of further defining who you are and your personal uniqueness.
###
Laura Allan is a Registered Counselor and Certified Professional Coach practicing in Seattle, Washington. She has an M.A. degree in Applied Behavioral Science with concentration in Systems Counseling from Bastyr University. She also has a B.S. degree from Washington State University and an M.S. from Seattle University. She has additional specialized training in working with couples and eating disorders. You may visit her website at http://www.lauraallancounseling.com/.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a topic that has come up quite a bit lately not only in my practice, but in my personal life. Many people have the mistaken idea that if you forgive someone you say what they did that hurt you was okay. Forgiveness really is about letting go of the negative energy you have around something someone did that hurt you. It's taking back your power and not allowing that person's act to continue to hurt you in the future.
Forgiveness is important in our ability to learn, grow and evolve in our lives. More importantly, it's essential if we want to be happy. Holding on to feelings of anger and resentment toward someone who has hurt us can keep us from moving forward in our lives. As long as we're focused on something that happened in the past, we can't move into the future.
It is difficult to give up our negative feelings toward the offender, because they 'deserve' to be punished in our view. But ask yourself this question: is expending negative energy on this bad guy hurting them - or you? The answer, of course, is it is hurting you! So, we choose to forgive, not for the other person, but for ourselves.
Forgiving does not mean that you condone, or even accept, what the other person did. It also does not mean that you have to continue to have a relationship with this person if they are likely to hurt you in the future. It does mean that you can let go of what happened and move on.
A topic for another time: forgiving ourselves.
Forgiveness is important in our ability to learn, grow and evolve in our lives. More importantly, it's essential if we want to be happy. Holding on to feelings of anger and resentment toward someone who has hurt us can keep us from moving forward in our lives. As long as we're focused on something that happened in the past, we can't move into the future.
It is difficult to give up our negative feelings toward the offender, because they 'deserve' to be punished in our view. But ask yourself this question: is expending negative energy on this bad guy hurting them - or you? The answer, of course, is it is hurting you! So, we choose to forgive, not for the other person, but for ourselves.
Forgiving does not mean that you condone, or even accept, what the other person did. It also does not mean that you have to continue to have a relationship with this person if they are likely to hurt you in the future. It does mean that you can let go of what happened and move on.
A topic for another time: forgiving ourselves.
Friday, August 21, 2009
CBT and Intentions
For a while now I have been working with setting intentions in my life and experiencing them manifesting. I've also used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) successfully not only in my own life, but with clients. I had recognized for some time the connection between these things, but yesterday it just so happened that I was doing some CBT training and also attended an Intention Circle, so their relationship to one another is very much in my mind.
In addition, yesterday I was also doing some prep work for the Career Enhancement class I will be teaching beginning in September. As I mentioned in a previous entry, taking a similar class was instrumental in my choice of my current career. At that time setting my intention about changing my career also made the end result (my current career) possible.
What I am reminded of every time I attend an Intention Circle (check out Meetup.com in Seattle if you're interested) is how every thought I have is an implicit intention. If I wake up in the morning and think "I hate this rain. It always makes me feel depressed." then guess what -I'm going to be depressed today. In CBT I would then change this thought to a positive thought like "I'm happy to see the rain; the poor plants really need it." and I am setting my intention to enjoy what is rather than be miserable about what is. If I can't change it, why let it affect me negatively?
Which leads to the basic premise of CBT: my thoughts determine my emotions. Many people have heard that we each choose how we feel, but many people either don't believe that or just don't get it. In my next entry I'll talk a little about choosing how we feel and owning our emotions.
In addition, yesterday I was also doing some prep work for the Career Enhancement class I will be teaching beginning in September. As I mentioned in a previous entry, taking a similar class was instrumental in my choice of my current career. At that time setting my intention about changing my career also made the end result (my current career) possible.
What I am reminded of every time I attend an Intention Circle (check out Meetup.com in Seattle if you're interested) is how every thought I have is an implicit intention. If I wake up in the morning and think "I hate this rain. It always makes me feel depressed." then guess what -I'm going to be depressed today. In CBT I would then change this thought to a positive thought like "I'm happy to see the rain; the poor plants really need it." and I am setting my intention to enjoy what is rather than be miserable about what is. If I can't change it, why let it affect me negatively?
Which leads to the basic premise of CBT: my thoughts determine my emotions. Many people have heard that we each choose how we feel, but many people either don't believe that or just don't get it. In my next entry I'll talk a little about choosing how we feel and owning our emotions.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Inspiration
In preparing for my career enhancement class I've been taking a look back at a similar class I took almost 4 years ago that ultimately led to my choice of a new career. It's the first time I've looked back at these exercises in at least 3 years, and it is heartening to see that the insights I had at the time, and the conclusions they led me to still hold true for me.
I've frequently thought about the impact taking this class had on my life by giving me the opportunity to see that my life could be everything I wanted it to be. I'm so looking forward to sharing this gift with others!
I've frequently thought about the impact taking this class had on my life by giving me the opportunity to see that my life could be everything I wanted it to be. I'm so looking forward to sharing this gift with others!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Living the life you love - Step 1
A lot of people struggle with not being happy in their career or job, but don't really know what they want to do, or how to accomplish a change. The first step is deciding that you deserve to be happy; having hope that you can have a career that fulfills you, and also provides you with the material support you need in your life.
As long as we believe that we have no choices, or at least no viable choices, we will remain stuck. So take a look at what is preventing you from even exploring other options. If you find yourself responding to any suggestions with "Yeah, but" take a look at what your fears are about changing.
Once our roadblocks are identified we can begin to take steps to knock them down.
As long as we believe that we have no choices, or at least no viable choices, we will remain stuck. So take a look at what is preventing you from even exploring other options. If you find yourself responding to any suggestions with "Yeah, but" take a look at what your fears are about changing.
Once our roadblocks are identified we can begin to take steps to knock them down.
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