As promised, here are my thoughts about happiness and choosing our thoughts about any given event.
Events are neutral, there is no universal “right” way to interpret or react to any event or circumstance. What we choose to tell ourselves about the meaning of an event leads to how we feel about it. By changing the meaning we make of it, we change our feeling about it.
For example, let’s say I was laid off from my job. If the meaning I make of this is that my employer viewed me as incompetent or not valuable, I may feel angry or resentful towards my employer, as well as feeling not good enough as a person.
If the meaning I make of this occurrence is that my employer selected me to be laid off because they viewed me as being the most able to find another job, and this reduced their discomfort at having let someone go, then I will more likely feel grateful and appreciated and confident that I have something valuable to offer another employer.
Or, I can choose to view this situation as something that says absolutely nothing about me as person, that it truly is a neutral event that has nothing to do with me personally. The company needed to reduce by a certain number of employees, they chose to do that in a way that I may or may not understand or agree with, and it means nothing about my value or worth as a person or an employee – positive or negative. It’s not about me, it’s about them.
Now, this does not mean that you will not have emotions such as fear about loss of income or sadness at loss of social contact with co-workers. But when we don’t take it personally, or choose to view the situation overall in a positive light, accepting and feeling these other emotions is much easier. And addressing the situation in which we find ourselves is easier, too.
In the above scenario, imagine how much easier it will be to focus on finding a new job if you believe the layoff is neutral or positive about you as a person. You will feel confident of your abilities and value and can focus on the tasks required to find a new job.
On the other hand, if you are feeling angry, resentful and not good enough, a lot of the energy you could have used for job seeking will be spent on beating yourself (or your employer) up in your thoughts.
What do you think? Do you agree with this idea? What objections or questions arise in you when you consider this idea?
Laura Allan is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor Associate and Certified Professional Coach with a private practice in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle. You may visit her website at www.LauraAllanCounseling.com.
