Is it Time to Break the Pattern?

Many times what brings clients in to work with me is that they are stuck in a pattern of behavior that is no longer working for them.  One pattern I see on a regular basis is the client doesn't like conflict, and so they avoid it or accommodate the other person.  Of course their needs don't get met this way. Over time they become resentful and eventually reach a point where they just can't take it anymore and choose to leave.

This may happen primarily in one situation (perhaps at work), or may be more pervasive, occurring throughout most relationships.  Regardless, the client comes to realize that they have a pattern and the way they are handling conflict is a not working for them.

Sometimes it is difficult to acknowledge that our way of coping doesn't work.  It can make us feel wrong, or feel stupid to continue doing something that doesn't work.

I remind people that the strategy did work at one point in time, or they would not have developed the habit of dealing with similar situations in that way. We don't repeat behavior that doesn't work the first time (usually).

It's helpful to acknowledge that this behavior did serve you at some time in the past, just no longer.  When you are able to accept that your old ways no longer work, you can open yourself to find new ways that do work.